Expiration Dates
by Barbarossa
Summary: About to start his forth year at Chiba University, Hikigaya Hachiman receives a not so pleasant surprise when he has a chance encounter with Yukinoshita Haruno. New struggles and new opportunities arise as the monster of reliance upsets Hachiman's carefully balanced world.
1. Of all the udon joints in all of Chiba

Nostalgia is dangerous; it's the sentimental remembrance of a time long since passed. A time that, no matter how hard one tries, could never actually be recalled in its totality and thus leaves itself open to having its details filled in with projections of hope and wish fulfillment. You fail to remember that most of the troubles that plague you in your current state existed in the past as well. You allow yourself to be taken to an imagined setting and run away from the world. If I were one to be nostalgic, I might look back to my time as Sobu High School through rose tinted glasses in an effort to escape from my isolated situation. However, for all my faults, I'm not foolish enough to let my mind drift to any sort of imagined golden period in my life. I was just as much of a loner back then as I am now. Even if I did manage to delude myself for a moment, my manager would undoubtedly yell at me to get back to work before any delusions could work their way to deeply into my mind.

I have no glorious past to escape to in day dreams. There's only my part time job at Tsudanuma Udon and my continuing education and with the start of my fourth year still two weeks away my collegiate career was a distant second for the time being.

Work was as simple and boring as ever, one difference being a couple making a scene at around 7:20. The resulting argument saw the woman leave in a flurry of rage, leaving behind her distraught male counterpart. What the argument was about is beyond me, as I was taking the order of an elderly couple on the opposite end of the restaurant when the argument came to its fiery conclusion. It was an interesting contrast the elderly couple before me and the young couple making a scene. What made their relationship stick together while the other fell apart? I couldn't get too distracted by the scene as the manager had been brought out of his office by the commotion and likely would have begun hysterically barking orders at me.

At 142 cm, the man was almost comically short and had an even shorter fuse. The slightest hint of laziness on my part would result in a five to ten minute long rant about the importance of maintaining the quality of the establishment. He seemed to be under the erroneous impression that Tsudanuma Udon was a five star restaurant catering to only the elite, rather than medium sized family restaurant and bar that hosted the occasional family reunion and catered to a group of hardcore regulars that sat in the same bar stools ever night. He wanted to believe that the restaurant of his childhood was something greater than what it was today and in doing so felt continuously inadequate in his management of the restaurant. This in turn fueled his desire to return it to its glory days. He failed to understand that there is nothing wrong with what the restaurant is. Despite not being a five star restaurant it's always very busy, I would know, and has a loyal customer base. This doesn't seem to be enough for the manager and he requires the occasional tongue lashing from his aged mother when she would visit the restaurant every few months.

As the evening dragged on, business began to wind down and the tide of patrons began to flow out, no longer being replaced more quickly than they were leaving. By 9:15 only a handful of the regulars remained at the bar, while at the same time the booths and private rooms had been emptied of their occupants. This meant that I would be able to start cleaning up early and possibly get even off early.

After cleaning off a couple of booth I made my way to the back and began cleaning off the industrial meat slicer we used to shred the frozen meat when the door swung open and the shrill voice of my doughty manager yelled out to me.

"Hikigaya! Why aren't you out at your greeting post? We have a costumer! Get out there and bring her a menu."

"Sir, I've already started cleaning up the kitchen, what will the cook do?" I said, hoping that perhaps just this once, the man's lust for money wouldn't mean I would have to do extra work.

"Well stop what you are doing and seat the young lady. Daichi will handle getting whatever equipment that you already put away ready."

"Of course, sir." I replied.

I wasn't asking for much. I didn't want to be the manager's well-kept house husband or to be paid to just sit around doing nothing, though both of those things would be very nice; I simply wanted to have the opportunity to get home before 11:30. Unfortunately, that seemed to be just a bit too much to ask for.

What kind of woman goes to a noodle restaurant and bar at 9:30 in the evening anyways?

"I bet she's a bitch, maybe even a real prostitute", I thought as I stepped out of the back and saw the Daimyo[1] that I would be serving.

Waiting to be seated was a beautiful woman wearing a sly grin upon her face.

"I thought that was you Hikigaya-kun." She said teasingly.

It would've been nice if the woman had turned out to be some random hostess or a prostitute that was coming in before her evening shift, but instead the woman standing before me was Yukinoshita Haruno.

She was dressed lightly in an off-white blouse, its sleeves rolled up to just around her elbow, and a pale lavender A-line skirt that showed off her calves, or at least it would if she wasn't wearing black stockings. Her hair was longer than the bob cut she wore when last we'd met, though it was still far shorter than her younger sister's had been. Despite the new hair style she was more than recognizable.

My stomach twisted into knots at the sight of her and I almost felt myself subconsciously begin to back away as she stepped towards me. Of all the noodle restaurants in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

"I was across the street when I thought I saw you through the window and I simply had to come in and find out for sure."

Good you found out it was me. Now please leave so that I can go back to cleaning the meat slicer and packing up the rest of the utensils.

"Yes… It's me… Was that…" Before I could finish, she'd reached out and taken the menu from me.

"I think I'd like that booth." She said, stretching out her hand and pointing to the far left corner. Leaning unnecessarily forward, her pronounced breasts came only a few centimeters away from me.

"Follow me, please." I said, hoping that she hadn't noticed the glance I had taken at her chest, but knowing full well that she had done it on purpose.

I wasn't embarrassed that someone from my past had found me at my part time job; there was nothing to be embarrassed about. Still, that didn't mean I felt even remotely comfortable with this woman altering the balance of the working environment that I had finally acclimated to.

If my previous experiences with this woman were anything to go by, she was more than just a little adept at taking carefully balanced ecosystems and throwing them into complete chaos.

After seating her, I began to do the normal spiel about the special of the day and our choice of beverages when she cut me off once again.

"It's been quite a while, Hikigaya-kun. Three years, right?"

"Roughly." I replied, recalling that the last time I had seen her was at graduation. By then the service club had been dead for quite some time and my interactions with the Yukinoshita sisters had grown sparse.

"Do tell what you've been up to since we last met." She said resting her chin upon her intertwined fingers. "Did you fail to cope with the course load and drop out of school, in the process becoming a hikikomori[2] NEET only to have your parents cut you off and force you to take up this job?"

What was with the detailed story of my downfall into NEET-hood and turn to wage slavery? When last we met I was a loner, not a shut in afraid to go outside. The loner rejects the world, or is rejected by it, but continues to move through the world on the outskirts of society. On the other hand the hikikomori rejects the world and closes themselves off as completely as they can.

"No, I'm attending Chiba University. This is a part time job I do to have a little extra spending money." I replied trying to keep my tone as normal as possible in the event my manager was listening.

She grinned. "Just teasing, Hikigaya-kun." Her voice was cold, but not altogether devoid of emotion. "It's nice to see I can still get that super annoyed reaction out of you after so long. I didn't really think you'd break under the pressure. It's good to see that I was right."

If you didn't think I was going to collapse in upon myself like a black hole and become a hikikomori then why was that the first thing that you suggested might have happened to me?

While I thought about that, Haruno began to speak again.

"So, which one of the departments are you in? If I recall correctly you were in the Humanities track, right?"

"I'm in the Education department." I replied.

Haruno's grin grew wider than before and she giggled a little. "I see that Shizuka-chan managed to replicate herself."

That I was following a similar career path as Hiratsuka and becoming a teacher had not escaped me. Yet, I would hardly equate that with myself being a replica of the woman.

That being said, I was working at one of her favorite noodle houses based largely because she was a regular and was friends with the cook.

And there was the fact that in my next term I would be volunteering as a student teacher at Sobu High School.

Plus there was my continued solitude and distinct lack of a romantic relationship.

Maybe Haruno was right.

Maybe I was Hiratsuka 2.0.

Before I could think about this any further she spoke again. "You know Hikigaya-kun, if you need a little extra income, I could always speak to my father and see if we could open up a position for you. A job in a cubical with a nice view of the city, perhaps? You'd like that wouldn't you?"

Yes, because becoming a corporate slave with a pleasant view would be so much better than working at a family owned noodle restaurant.

"Thank you for the offer, but I'm content with my position here and I'd rather not have to rely so heavily on someone for work." I said, completely ignoring the fact that my current job was mostly Hiratsuka's doing.

Haruno looked to be pouting with that response.

"How boring, Hikigaya-kun." Well that was certainly a change of pace. "Becoming a teacher, working in a noodle restaurant, even the hikikomori story was more colorful and entertaining. Have you at least found someone as equally boring to complete the cookie cutter facade? You know they say misery loves company?"

Yes, they do say that, but I'm more than miserable enough as it is and there's no need to experience that misery in stereo. However, her question did make me think of my relationship with women since entering Chiba University. It hadn't particularly changed since last I'd seen Haruno. Whether the fact that I was alone was by choice or because of the outside world or some combination of the two, it didn't matter as the result was the same. I was alone. The only change in the situation since going to college had been that I had grown slightly closer to Shiromeguri Meguri. That had come about as the result of taking several classes with her that overlapped between the Education department and Humanities and Social Sciences department… and joining the Literature Club with her at her behest.

There wasn't any great significance the growth of our interactions. Meguri-senpai was just being nice and helping out her kohai[3]; she was a nice girl and would've done the same thing for anyone else that she was familiar with. That wasn't an indictment of her; she couldn't help but be a sweet and kind natured, if a little air headed, person. My first year high school self would be astonished that I no longer hated nice girls, and that I no longer blamed them for being… well… nice. It had taken the confession of a nice girl and my rejection of that confession for me to realize that there was nothing inherently wrong with nice girls. The world was cruel and sometimes you got your heart broken, but that wasn't their fault.

"I'm still on my own." I finally replied.

"Still looking for something genuine? At least you haven't succumbed completely to normality, Hikigaya-kun." I'm fairly certain that that wasn't a compliment. "Are you sure you won't reconsider a position working at my father's company? He could pull some strings so that you could intern for one of the other members of the city Diet. If that's something you were more interested in."

Was this political corruption? If I accepted would I be complacent in the subversion of our democracy?

"I'm fine where I am." I briskly replied. " Now, if possible, I'd like to take you're order, it's almost 10 and we tend to only be serving drinks at that point and waiting for the regulars to leave."

"Yes…yes, I'll have the Hoisin Chicken Udon." She said handing the menu back to me after looking at it for all of five seconds.

"Would you care for a drink?"

"Water, please."

"I'll have that right out for you."

I couldn't get away from her fast enough. Komachi was intrusive enough regarding the state of my non-existent love life and every other facet of my life, I didn't need another member of the PSIA[4] overanalyzing my life and trying to make my decisions for me.

The rest of Haruno's meal was fairly uneventful. Our conversation never turned back to personal matters and the professional boundary between server and guest returned to its natural place. Perhaps I was as she had said "boring". If being boring meant not being on the receiving end of her attention I was more than a little okay with being "boring".

She did however take far longer to eat than most customers, pausing every once and a while to read a book she'd brought in with her. By the time she finished her meal she was the last customer in the building, the drunken regulars having all filed out after last call[5] to get picked up either by their wives or by a taxi.

When she finished her meal I cleaned off her table while she sat there and smiled up at me. Her face was as difficult to read as it had been in the past and there was no telling what sort of malice was being concocted behind the cover of that smile. After that she followed me to the register and we exchanged the bill and her payment.

"Hikigaya-kun, would it at all be possible for you to walk me out to a taxi? It's late and I would feel much safer if you escorted me." She asked as I placed her money into the cash register.

I wanted to say no, but she'd said it loud enough for both the cook and the manager to hear her and almost in unison they assured her that I would escort her out and stay with her until a taxi picked her up.

As we stepped outside, she pressed herself against my right arm and I could feel the fullness of her chest being pressed against me. Before I could pull myself away, she had intertwined her left arm with my right and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Don't play coy Hikigaya-kun, relish the fact that you have the chance to walk arm in arm with a beautiful onee-san. Most men would be happy to be in your position."

Christmas cake expires on the twenty-fifth and the expiration date for interest in this position was rapidly approaching.

What did she have to gain from this? Was this public display of affection meant to catch the attention of my manager and get me fired in order to force me to take the job she had offered? If so the plan was rather foolish and far less thought out than one I would expect from Haruno.

As we stood by the road and waited for a taxi, she spoke again.

"You won't reconsider the job offer?" Her voice was soft and there was a strange hint of sadness in it. Was she trying to guilt trip me into accepting the job?

"I won't." I replied.

She smiled and looking up from my shoulder said, "You never asked about Yukino-chan."

I was caught off guard by her statement. What was I supposed to say in response to that? As I struggled to collect my thoughts a taxi cab pulled up and Haruno released my arm.

"I'll be seeing you soon, Hikigaya-kun." She called out as she entered the car and left me standing by the side of the road.

I stood there and watched the car drive away as Haruno waved goodbye out the back window and faded from my view.

"I'll be seeing you soon"… Was she being serious or simply being nice?

Telling someone that you'll see them soon despite having no intention of doing so was considered a courtesy. Was this one of those courtesies or did Haruno actually intend to return to judge my life choices at a later date. I certainly hoped it was former rather than the latter.

As I returned to the restaurant with this on my mind, I was caught off guard by a sudden embrace from Daichi. The big cook let out a deep laugh as he half hugged half crushed me.

"Hachiman, why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend? Hiratsuka and I were growing worried about you, but here you are hiding a beautiful onee-san from us." He yelled out in his deep and booming voice.

As I struggled to free myself from the gargantuan cook's embrace, I tried to correct his inaccurate assumptions.

"We don't have that kind of relationship; she's the older sister of someone I went to high school with. In fact I haven't seen her in over three years."

"You must have left quite the impression on her for her to have recognized you so quickly after three years, though those rotten eyes of yours are fairly distinctive." He said, finally releasing me from his grasp.

"If you have such a relationship, why was she clinging to you so firmly on your way out?" The manager said inquisitively, finally piping in on the conversation.

Because she's a manipulative woman that likes to do things to get a rise out of people?

"She enjoyed teasing me when we were younger."

""Hikigaya, if a woman teases you like that it has certain implication." The manager replied.

Implications.

Yes, everything from a courtesy to a bit of harassment implies deeper feelings, possibly even love. That's what I'd thought as a child at least. Those imagined implications had led to me being emotionally crushed. There was no deeper meaning to Haruno's teasing; it was nothing more or less than teasing. Haruno wasn't some twin-tailed tsundere in a poorly written light novel teasing me while at the same time harboring deeper feelings of love and affection. All I was to her was a bit of evening entertainment.

The rest of the evening went by at a reasonable pace. We cleaned up the grill, the tools, washed the dishes and swept the floor, before finally finishing up at 11:26. Once again, I would not be getting home before 11:30 as I'd hoped.

As I opened up my locker to retrieve my phone and my change of clothes I was surprised to see I had a text message from an unfamiliar number. The only people that sent me texts were my sister and Meguri-senpai, so this was not a normal occurrence.

"I wanted to make sure I still had your number, Hikigaya-kun. Message me back when you get this."

I didn't need to ask myself who could possibly be responsible for the message. It seemed that this answered my earlier question as to whether or not Haruno would indeed be seeing me soon.

If I didn't reply maybe she would think I changed my number and give up. And if I did reply, what was I supposed to say to her?

After much deliberation I finally replied with a simple, "My number hasn't changed."

Before I could set my phone down to change my cloths it buzzed with life.

It was another message from Haruno.

"Did you just get off of work?"

"Yes." I messaged back.

There was no immediate reply this time. I'd changed out of my work cloths and went out back behind the restaurant to unlock my chained up bicycle. As I fumbled with the locking mechanism that kept my bike in place, my phone buzzed one last time.

"Good night, Hikigaya-kun" A sleeping emoji ending her sentence rather than a period.

I looked at my phone for a bit before finally replaying.

"Good night."

...

[1]: a Japanese feudal lord.

[2]: A young man who retreats from society and becomes a sort of hermit. Often times they have severe agoraphobia.

[3]: a junior or underclassman

[4]: The Japanese national intelligence agency

[5]: a bar term made shortly before the bar closes for the night to signal the last chance to by drinks.


	2. Can Cotton Candy Storm a Castle?

"BUZZZ…BUZZZZ…BUZZZZZZ"

It's a Wednesday. I don't have work until 5:00 pm on Wednesdays, so why is someone assaulting my doorbell at 9:43 in the morning?

Groggily, I tossed aside my bed covers and staggered through my apartment to the door. As I peered through the peephole I saw that the attacker storming my private domain was none other than the cotton candy-esque Shiromeguri Meguri. She still looked much the same as she had in high school, still wearing her hair in twin braids with her bangs clipped by three hair pins. The light blue and white sundress was less high school, but was still something that I'd grown used to over the three years since she had decided to try and help her kohai.

"Hachi-kun[1]? Hachi-kun, Are you awake?" she called out, her voice caught between a yell and whisper as she tried to be courteous to the neighbors while still trying to gain my attention.

It had been some time since Meguri had started calling me "Hachi-kun" I think it was back in the winter break of my second year when she'd first asked if it was alright. We'd been in the same club since my first term and taken several classes together so it wasn't as though she was a stranger expressing overfamiliarity.

Begrudgingly, I opened the door and was blasted by the unseasonably warm Spring air.

"Yes, senpai?" I sleepily asked, shielding my eyes from the brightness of the sun's rays.

"Hachi-kun, why aren't you ready yet?" she asked, pursing her lips and trying to look grumpy, but failing entirely.

"What do you mean?" I replied as I sleepily rubbed the back of my hand against my right eye.

"You promised to help me plan for the welcoming party today. Don't you remember?"

No.

I _do_ remember telling her that I liked Wednesdays, because I got to sleep in until noon, and I _do_ remember her bringing up needing to plan for the welcoming party, but I don't remember those two separate discussions combining into me giving up my Wednesday morning to help her plan for the welcoming party.

"I apologize, but the conversation escapes me at the moment." I replied with only a smidgen of annoyance in my voice.

"ahhhh" She sighed and furrowed her brow.

"Hachi-kun, the new term starts in less than two weeks and it's my first term as club president and as a graduate student. I can't let this be a disaster. What will the senpais think if I'm responsible for hosting a welcoming party so poorly that none of the new students join the club?" she asked looking distressed, her hands balled up in little fists.

"They'd seriously question how you managed to competently run the student council at Sobu High School. As well as call into question their own abilities to judge someone's character considering that they were the ones that gave you the position."

"Hachi-kuuun." She said, looking awfully distressed.

"They won't think anything, because that's not going to happen." I said with a sigh. "Let me get dressed and I'll help you."

"Thank you so much." She said, clapping her hand together and looking extra fluffy.

As I was about to close the door I noticed the sweat on Meguri's forehead.

My apartment wasn't a mess and outside of a few of the more ecchi titles in my blue ray collections there really wasn't anything to be particularly ashamed of anyone seeing. Did I want to invite Meguri in? No. In fact, the idea of bringing someone into my inner sanctum was off putting. Yet, neither did I want to leave her out in the heat. That baser part of my mind once again drove me forward.

"Would you like to wait inside while I get dressed?" I asked, opening up the door a little more so as to reveal my apartment.

"Oh…um…Yes… please." She said, sounding a bit anxious.

A wide eyed Meguri entered my apartment and began to look around taking everything in. After three years was I still a frightening enough figure to warrant this reaction?

"You don't need to act like you're walking on egg shells." I said, trying to be reassuring. "The controller is over there if you'd like to watch tv while you wait, but I should be done pretty quickly."

"Thank you, Hachi-kun." she replied as she took a seat on the couch.

As I changed, I thought of how much seeing her like this reminded me of the first time I'd run into her after graduation.

It'd been after the welcoming ceremony and the various clubs were accosting the first years to try and get them to join up. As I walked through the crowd of people, none of the loud club leaders seemed remotely interested in recruiting me. That was fine as I really had no real interest in joining any clubs. That was when I saw her. She was navigating the crowd of people looking a bit like Akiyama Mio[2]. She looked far more worried about whatever she was doing than any of the people around her.

It was her second year at the university so her timid demeanor seemed out of place to me given that she should have already been in a club. I remember wondering whether or not she was trying to recruit others to join whatever club she was in. If that had been the case, then looking timid was probably not the best way to go about it.

Every cell in my body was screaming to leave well enough alone and walk away before she noticed me. I didn't need to help her hand out recruitment fliers or whatever else she was doing. Yet I found myself walking towards her all the same. It was like some primordial instinct was compelling me forward, reminiscent of the feeling I had during my abortive attempt to defend Yuigahama from Miura all those years ago.

"Help her! Help her! Help her!" it was screaming at me.

Before I could change my mind and flee, the decision was made for me when she caught me in her glance.

Her eyes lit up upon seeing me and she called out. "Hikigaya-kun?!" It sounded less like she was saying my name and more like a question.

"Yo," I replied, though I'm still not sure whether or not she had heard me over our loud surroundings.

As it turned out, she'd been so worried about her course load during her first term that she hadn't joined a club and was only now trying to find one to join. She was worried because unlike the majority of the students joining new clubs she was a second year. I still don't understand what possible force willed me to help her, but when she asked if I would mind joining a club with her so that she was with someone she knew I said yes. There were a number of qualifiers, like no physically active clubs or clubs that required musical talent or really any clubs that required special skills that my 108 didn't cover. I'd really hoped the musical one would be a deal breaker as I recalled that she'd been in a band in high school with Haruno-san, but I had had no such luck. In the end we both joined the Literature Club and try as I might to fade into the background and slip out of the club altogether, Meguri would always drag me to meetings and club events that would keep me tethered to the club for the next three years. She was trying to be nice and as a "thank you" to me she was trying to keep me involved with the club and with people. I would've been more comfortable if she'd just let me fade away and she probably would've had more fun the past three years if she hadn't tried to babysit me.

Getting dressed didn't take too long and when I came out of my room Meguri was fiddling with the hemline of her flowery sun dress.

"Where do you want to go to discuss planning the party?" I unenthusiastically asked.

"There's a café a couple blocks away…" my distain for the idea of walking in the unseasonable heat even for just two blocks must have been clearly broadcasted on my face, because she continued, "But I think we could probably do it here." She paused for a moment before continuing, "If that's alright with you?"

"Let's do that." I replied. "I've got a fridge full of MAX Coffee if you'd like one?"

I didn't particularly want to share, but there are certain social customs that even I have to adhere to.

Meguri tilted her head a bit and put her index finger to her lips as if contemplating the question for a moment before she responded. "Yes, I'd like one."

The content of my tiny fridge was about 75% MAX Coffee so it was easy enough to grab something for the two of us. Yet, looking into the fridge it was more than a bit disheartening to see that the other 25% was orange juice and an untouched assortment of vegetables which my mother and sister had brought over the week prior. I closed up the fridge with a sigh and went back to Meguri.

"Do you have any ideas on the venue we should use?" She asked as I handed her the drink.

Two weeks away from the start of school and she still hadn't even booked a venue to hold the party at. I wasn't one to care about parties, as I'd only gone to the previous three welcoming parties because Meguri had made me and I'd largely served as an ornamental fixture in the background, but even I knew that the other clubs would have already booked many of the most appropriate locations for their own welcoming parties. The options would be fairly bare bones at this point.

On the plus side, that meant no karaoke this year.

"I don't know…It's pretty short notice, maybe we shouldn't even have a party?"

"Hachi-kun, you're horrible." She replied in annoyance.

"You shouldn't have left it to the last minute like this. I mean most places will be booked by now. When we have parties at work, the people tend to book their reservations four to five weeks in advance."

Which was funny because they could probably call in the day before and they'd still get the room. In fact, I don't think we ever had a booking conflict since I started working there.

Meguri put the back of her left hand to her forehead and let out a sigh before looking at me with a hopeful expression.

"Is there any way you could reserve us a spot at your work, Hachi-kun?" She asked.

NO!

At least that's what I wanted to say, but there was no saying no to that face. Meguri was just too adorable for that. She wasn't beautiful, at least not in the classical sense of the term, nor was she oozing sex appeal, but her adorableness factor was SS rank. She was almost little sister level cute; I'd go as far as to say that she was the most imouto-like onee-san I'd ever met. She was the kind of cute that you wanted to protect and gingerly tuck into bed at night before reading her a bedtime story.

"Yah, I can ask the owner." I said, the words finally being dragged out of me.

She clasped her hands together in excitement and smiled.

"I just know that we can make this welcoming party a success." She said with a beaming smile.

For the next couple of hours we discussed the outline of the party, what would need to be brought, the possibility of printing flyers to hand out after the welcoming ceremony, contacting other club members, and other such trivial matters. Meguri attempted to fight me on my not being one of the club members handing out flyers after the welcoming ceremony, but I won the day on that argument and wouldn't have to try and bring in new members with my oh so sunny disposition.

As our discussion began to wrap up, I felt my stomach grumble and ache for food. The Max Coffee had been my only source of nutrition so far, so it made more than a little sense that my body was craving something that more closely resembled food. Unfortunately, there was nothing in my house to eat, and I didn't particularly want to wait until I could make myself a free bowl of noodles at work, so that would mean braving the heat in search of food. When Meguri left, I could always go to the convenient store down the block and get some chips and maybe a cup of microwavable noodles.

As I contemplated what to get, my stomach became more vocal and its rumblings caught Meguri's attention.

"It's probably still hot outside, but if you're hungry we can go to the produce store for ingredients and I can make you something to eat." She said with a smile.

Why did my stomach have to act up now? Why couldn't it have stayed silent for a few more minutes? I mean fifteen at the most. Was wanting to eat cheap and unhealthy food alone in the comfort of my own home simply too much to ask for?

"It's alright. I can just go to the convenient store after you leave." I said, hoping to dissuade her.

"I can't let you do that, Komachi-san is worried that you're not eating properly as is. What would she say to me if next time I talked to her I told her that I'd allowed you to go to the convenient store and buy junk food instead eating a proper meal?"

Wait what?

"When did you start talking to my sister?" I asked with a puzzled look on my face.

"It's been about a month or so. She was a little worried about you, but I told her everything was fine. You don't want to make a liar out of me, now do you Hachi-kun?" She said pointing her finger at me.

"You'd be the one that made a liar out of yourself. I never pretended that I was eating any healthier than I am." Well maybe I did when I told my mother I would eat the vegetables she brought over and never did, but Meguri didn't know that.

"Hachi-kuuuun!" she said as she leaned in entirely too close to me.

I was well aware of the fact that the world wasn't fair, but to attack me from all sides at once was a new low. Komachi and my mother's attempt at reshaping my diet, Haruno's incursion into my place of work, and now Meguri and Komachi's burgeoning friendship seemed poised to sink my lifestyle.

"Fine." I said with annoyance. "I don't really have time to go shopping right now though." That was a lie. "So I can't make a proper meal right now." I said, desperately trying to worm my way out of the situation. Maybe if all else failed I could just start gnawing my arm off like some kind of trapped animal.

"That's alright; we can go to the café I saw earlier. I'm sure they make sandwiches."

I clearly wasn't going to win this one and going to a café seemed like a better outcome them going to the grocery store, so I finally relented.

"Sure, that sounds fine."

…

[1]:Meguri often refers to Haruno as Haru-san, so it made sense to me that she'd create a similar nickname for Hachiman.

[2]: A character from K-On! Noted for her timid and shy behavior.


	3. Yukinoshita Haruno Invades Once Again

Save for a few very rare individuals, almost everyone lies. Or to put it a little more politely, everyone acts. The café that Meguri-senpai had dragged me to for lunch was filled with overly trendy liars… excuse me, I meant _actors_ , in their early twenties. Many of them were glued to their laptops, methodically typing away at the keyboard, stopping every once and a while to drink from their oversized caramel-chocolate-cinnamon mochaccinos. Someone that was inexperienced in people-watching might mistake their behavior for actual writing, but they would be wrong. The appearance of writing was just that: an appearance. The majority of their effort was put into being seen looking like they were writing. It was a performance for no one and for everyone. Would a select few of them actually manage to pen out something worthwhile? Quite possibly, but that would be a secondary achievement. From the start, their primary goal was looking overly trendy and appearing to work.

Amidst the sea of writers, I sat with my overpriced coffee waiting for Meguri-senpai to return from the restroom so that we could leave. Lunch had not been altogether unpleasant, in fact there was the distinct possibility that I'd be returning in the near future for another overpriced, oversized, and over-sweetened beverage. For the time being though, I wanted to get back to my apartment and rest before work. I would never be able to reclaim the lost hours that I had spent assisting Meguri-senpai, but I could at the very least make the most of the time that I still had left. As I waited, I contemplated telling Meguri about Haruno's visit the evening before, but found myself more than a little unwilling to reveal the episode to her. Meguri and Haruno had been friends in high school. What if after hearing about my run in with Haruno, Meguri tried to get in contact with her again? I didn't need Haruno to find another avenue into my life to more easily torment me through.

Still, there was the thought that Meguri might find out about the meeting on her own. Words, like so many things, have expiration dates. They exist on a very precise timescale and if you allow them to slip out after a certain point they become toxic. You forget to bring something up or lie through omission only for it to be discovered later and suddenly that innocuous little detail poisons your relationships and brings your whole world crashing down around you. Not having to deal with such things was one of the perks of being a loner; when you were alone, you didn't need to worry about the gangrenous words that ate away at friendships.

What would it mean to Meguri if she found out that I was concealing the fact that I had run into one of her old friends? Would she feel betrayed? Would she think that I was disgusting… maybe even distance herself from me?

That would probably be better for her.

If she and I grew distant then she'd finally be able to live her life without having to deal with me. She already had the club, graduate school, and a part time job to worry about; there was no need for her to keep worrying about me. In the three years since we had joined the Literature Club, I hadn't seen Meguri get involved in a romantic relationship. There had been suitors, after all Meguri was a very cute girl, but they'd always been turned away or quit before they made their feelings known. It wasn't hard to see why many aborted their quest for love when Meguri was constantly around someone as unsightly as me. My behavior and my attitude were unsavory to many and the idea of involving oneself with a girl who purposefully maintained close ties to someone like me was not appealing to most. To put it bluntly, being around me was harming Meguri.

It seemed that no matter what way I looked at it, keeping my run in with Haruno a secret was the best option. Either Meguri would find out and she'd finally be free of me or she would never know and I would have successfully prevented Haruno from creating another gateway into my life.

"Hachi-kun, are you ready to go?" Meguri called out from behind me.

Turning around, I saw her warm and familiar smile. It wasn't subdued or inhibited by anything; instead it was honest and inviting in a way that would disarm even the most world weary.

"Yeah." I grabbed my half empty cup of coffee as well as Meguri's.

As I motioned to hand it to her, she declined.

"It's really too sweet for me. You can have it if you want."

Her lips had been against the straw. If I drank from the same drink it would be an indirect kiss. Did she realize that?

She must have…right?

So, why had she offered me her drink? She must have expected me to throw away the straw, right? If I didn't, that would be strange. Of course she expected me to throw away her straw and use my own. Why had I thought, even for a moment, that she would want anything else?

"Thanks," I finally responded.

Setting my drink down for a moment, I pulled out Meguri's straw and tossed it into the nearest waste basket.

Exiting the climate-controlled café, we emerged once again into the hot and humid spring air. The disgustingly muggy conditions made the walk back to my apartment almost unbearable. Adding to the uncomfortableness of the weather, the sweat on my legs was causing my shorts to stick to my thighs as I walked. In the aforementioned heat, I made quick work of my half-finished iced-mocha and went to work on the one Meguri had given to me.

Despite Meguri's dismissing the drink as too sweet for her, it was considerably bitterer than the overly sweetened iced-mocha that I had ordered. Still, it provided some relief from the oppressive heat. As I took my first few sips from the drink, trying to conserve it unlike my previous drink, I felt a tug at my shoulder.

"Hachi-kun, could I have some? It's a lot hotter out here than I had remembered," she said, wiping a bit of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand.

"But, I threw away your straw." I was caught off guard by the request.

"That's fine," she replied.

I'm not sure what I expected her to do, but when I gave her the drink, she popped open the plastic lid and took a couple of sips from the side before dragging the side of the cup along her forehead. The beads of condensation that had gathered on the cup mixed with her sweat and dribbled down her face. My eyes were glued to a single bead of sweat and condensation as it slid from her temple to the side of her face and from there down her neck before meeting her collar.

"Here you go, Hachi-kun." She tried handing the cup back to me.

"It's fine. We're almost home now anyways."

When at last we reached my front door, we said our goodbyes and Meguri thanked me one last time for my help before she left. After entering my apartment I collapsed against the door and let the AC-cooled air engulf me.

…

Standing at the greeting post, it wasn't difficult to overhear the drunken banter and reminiscence of middle aged men. Their stories were filled with half-truths and misremembered youths, and they always ended up leading back to regret for some decision they'd made long ago. The stories were always the same, no matter what day of the week they were told on or who was telling them. They were every bit as predictable as the drinks that the men would order, probably even more so. At least with the drinks, you might get someone who was a little daring after an especially hard day of work.

I didn't mind the stories as they were helpful reminders that "what ifs?" caused little more than pain, self-loathing, and a desire to forget. While pain was something that I had endured more than my fair share of and there was plenty that I would have liked to forget, I'd managed to mostly avoid the feeling of self-loathing. The list of people that disliked me was long enough without adding my own name to it.

"I saw Sadako today," one of the men said to his drinking buddies, his voice kind of trembling.

You mean the girl from T _he Rin_ g?[1]

None of the men interjected or spoke up. Jokes aside, I think I'd heard the man speak of this woman in the past, though my memory on the topic was hazy.

"She was with her son." At this point the man's voice made it seem like he was struggling to keep from crying.

"Ichihara, are you alight?" one of his friends asked.

Turning around, I saw the man's face and with that and his name, I began to remember more clearly. If I recalled correctly, Ichihara-san was one of the few regulars that was still single and Sadako was a girl who had confessed to him in college. Ichihara-san had rejected her because he was in love with another girl, but was then himself rejected. When he drank, he often lamented his declining of Sadako's confession.

Remembering Ichihara-san's story cast a new light upon his seeing Sadako again. He'd probably held onto hope since college that maybe, if he ever met her again, he could change what had happened and find happiness with Sadako. That delusion would have been destroyed when he came face to face with the reality that Sadako had moved on. There would be no going back at this point. Y…Sadako had moved on with her life. And why shouldn't she have? She deserved better than being someone's second choice. She deserved better than looking at the man she loved and knowing that he was only with her because the one he loved had turned him down.

I had very little sympathy for Ichihara-san. He had his chance and he let it slip through his fingers and then he spent the next five years hoping for a second chance. Second chances only exist in shoujo manga where true love conquers all and the story ends within a defined number of issues. In real life, when you missed your chance, it was gone for good. You might get a few new opportunities later on, but there was no magic redo. What was done was done and you had to live the choices that you made; I knew that better than most.

"Yahallo!" a cheerful voice called out from behind me, bringing me back to the present with a bit of a shock.

After turning around, my expression hardened upon seeing Yukinoshita Haruno's smiling face.

"Am I on some kind of dokkiri[1] show, Yukinoshita-san?" I asked.

Haruno frowned a little and looked a bit like she was pouting.

"I thought I told you to call me Haruno, Hikigaya-kun."

Not the response I was expecting. Also, what?

"I don't remember that," I replied in a monotone voice. I couldn't outright ignore her at work, but I didn't need to be enthusiastic about serving her.

"Don't tell me you forgot about our date watching the fireworks."

Again, what? I think I'd remember something like that.

"Well I can't really say it was our date, since you arrived with another girl, but I provided you with the best seats at the event." She teased.

Fireworks? Date? Other girl? Was she just making things up at this point or was she confusing me with some other loner that she liked to torment?

"What was that girl's name? Something-gama I think?" she asked, though it didn't feel like the question was meant to be answered.

 _Yuigahama._

It all came flooding back. She was referring to the summer festival that Yuigahama and I had gone to together. We'd run into Haruno and she'd allowed us to sit in the VIP area with her to watch the fireworks.

She smiled and pointed at me, her finger a few centimeters from my nose. "Looks like you remembered, Hikigaya-kun."

"What do you want, Yukinoshita-san?" I asked, in a somewhat exasperated tone.

"Well, I'll need a seat and a menu before I can order something, Hikigaya-kun. I don't know how long you've worked here, but shouldn't you already know that by now?"

Why was she doing this? The previous evening had been a coincidence with her arriving near closing, but this had to be planned. There was no way she could've arrived this late by accident a second time.

"Where would you like to sit?" I kept any commentary I had wished to make locked up for fear of losing my job.

"You have private rooms that are usually for larger groups, right?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I think I'd like to take one of those for the evening. It's fairly loud out here." She pointed to the regulars at the bar.

Ichihara-san, why did you have to have an emotional breakdown tonight?

"I believe we can do that. Please follow me," I said as I led her to one of the private rooms.

After seating her, she looked over the menu for a moment before asking, "What would you recommend?"

For you to leave.

"That really depends on your personal taste. What are you looking for?" I stayed as close to my routine as possible to try and expedite the process.

"When you order something, what do you get, Hikigaya-kun?"

Couldn't you just order something randomly off the menu like you did last time?

"I like most of the dishes, but my personal favorite is probably the Funabashi Sauce Ramen."

It wasn't. I didn't care enough about the noodles to have a favorite. I ate what was convenient and quick to prepare during my lunch break. It just so happened that Daichi had been talking about it earlier, so it was the first thing that popped into my head.

"Alright, I'll trust you on this."

I was skeptical as to whether or not Haruno trusted anyone about anything. Hidden inside the Mobile Suit of a faux perfect girl, she was so disconnected from everyone and everything that it was hard to believe she would let anyone near enough to see the girl inside the suit of armor. Shielded by her armor, there was no way she could trust anyone.

"Your order should be out shortly." I took the menu and fled from the room. Afterwards, I returned to her to bring her a drink and left as quickly as possible again. I wanted to avoid being around her and talking to her any more than was necessary. I just needed to be boring and she would leave me alone. Being boring couldn't be too difficult to accomplish. Could it?

As I served Haruno her food, she looked at me with a smile and asked, "How are you, Hikigaya-kun?"

"I told you yesterday." I tried to make as little conversation as possible.

"No, you told me what you were doing, i.e. working part time, going to school, and becoming a teacher. You didn't tell me how you were doing." She poked my arm a couple times.

"I _was_ fine," I replied.

She burst into laughter at that. "You're really funny, Hikigaya-kun."

"What exactly was funny about what I said?" I replied without thinking.

"Your expression… and you know… just you in general. You're trying so hard and it's incredibly entertaining to watch, unsurprisingly."

I grimaced a little at that and in return a large smirk appeared on Haruno's face.

"See, that's what I enjoy about you, Hikigaya-kun." She pointed at my face.

"Didn't you say I was boring, yesterday?" I asked.

"I thought you'd lost some of your charm, but upon closer inspection, it's still there. You were just doing a good job of hiding it under mediocrity," she answered, grinning all the while.

Haruno really hadn't changed in the years since I had last spoken to her. Despite being restricted by that incredibly polished façade of perfection, she was still free of any constraints that would halt her from venturing into subjects that most would consider taboo. It was kind of beautiful how free she was to do and say as she pleased. She was condemning the way I was living my life, but she was doing it was a smile and a skip in her step. I'm not sure there's another person capable of smiling while handing out insults and unsolicited critiques in quite the same way.

"I really should get back to the front…just in case a customer arrives." I tried to escape.

She reached out and gripped the sleeve of my shirt. When I turned around, the smile she had worn as she vivisected my life was gone, replaced with a look that wasn't quite one of longing, but was uncharacteristic of Haruno's usual stock expressions.

"I'd like you to stay," she said.

It was 9:47. There really wouldn't be any new customers coming into the restaurant so I really wasn't needed up front, but if I stayed, there would be no getting ahead on cleaning the kitchen, and I would be facing another evening of not getting home until 11:30 or so. I didn't owe Haruno anything. There was nothing in my job description about entertaining the guests and I really didn't want to continue this conversation, but something kept me standing there.

"Alright." I tried to take a seat across from her only to have my sleeve tugged again.

Grabbing my wrist, Haruno pulled me down to the space beside her. She smelled almost intoxicatingly of lavender with a hint of apples. Haruno had this habit of violating someone's personal space bubble, so I'm not sure why I didn't expect this to happen; after all she'd done the very same thing the evening before. As she pressed herself against me, I began to take note of her dress. It was a thin purple dress of indeterminate material. Despite it being cool to the touch, it elicited a warming feeling, not just where it brushed against me, but throughout my body as a whole.

"Sit with me, Hikigaya-kun."

This was just to continue to mess with me. She needed a toy to play with while she ate. Why had I allowed myself to be swayed by a slightly saddened expression? Was I so easily manipulated?

Looking over to Haruno, I saw that she had finally tasted her food. The way she delicately brought the broth-filled spoon up to her mouth was strangely enchanting. I would have equated it with watching a small animal eat. Unfortunately, the only animal that I could call forth when thinking of Haruno was a tiger and the two conflicting images of a tiger and a small animal eating would have made for a gruesome mental image.

"Huh." She paused for a moment, setting the spoon back down. "It certainly tastes… different."

"That's the Worcestershire sauce base that gives it the distinctive flavor. Most ramen uses a miso or soy sauce base." I recalled what Daichi had told me earlier in the day.

"It's good…but I think I liked what I had yesterday more." She looked up from her bowl.

"I told you everyone has their own personal tastes." I shrugged off the comment.

"I'll have to try something new when I come back tomorrow. You are working tomorrow, right, Hikigaya-kun?" a wide smile on her face.

There wasn't much of a point in lying when she could easily find out if I were telling the truth or not.

"Yes, but won't you get tired of eating at the same place three days in a row?" I tried to dissuade her from returning to pester me.

"No." A Cheshire cat smile appearing on her face. "I'm thinking of becoming a bit of a ramen connoisseur. I'll have one of everything at every ramen restaurant in Chiba, starting with this one."

"I'm really not that interesting," I flatly responded.

"Who said anything about you, Hikigaya-kun?" She laughed. "How narcissistic must you be to think that someone would become a gourmet just to see you every day?"

I have to admit, someone going to a restaurant every day to visit one of the employees did sound like something from an unrealistic romance manga. Still, seeing as Haruno's motivation was entertainment and not romance, it didn't seem all that farfetched to me.

"You're too much fun, Hikigaya-kun." She leaned far too closely to my face.

For the most part, the rest of dinner was quiet. She ate and I sat there awkwardly trying to inch away from her only for her to lean closer to me. As the last bit of ramen vanished from her bowl, Haruno said something that genuinely caught me by surprise.

"Would you like to come to my concert?"

"I'm not really into orchestra music." I tried to politely turn down the offer.

Her artificial wide grin was gone, replaced by a much more subdued smile. "You remembered?"

Before I could respond, she continued, "I lost my position as conductor for the Chiba Prefecture Orchestra a year ago. The city diet managed to lure a former conductor of the Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra. Not even my father had the will to fight for my position. Having a former conductor from the oldest orchestra in Japan join our own was simply too prestigious a claim to fame for the diet to pass up."

"Oh," I awkwardly replied. Was I supposed to console her on having lost her position?

"I'm the drummer for an all-girls band in Shimokita[3]," she said.

"Shimokitazawa? You must have a long commute to get there from here," I replied offhandedly.

"Not really. I've got an apartment there."

Surprised, I replied, "You didn't say you'd moved away."

"You never asked," she smugly responded.

She was right; for the most part our conversations had focused on my life.

"There are a lot of things you never asked about, Hikigaya-kun. Things that would make you seem a lot less boring."

She wanted me to ask about her sister.

Even now, this was all just a game for her and seeing me react to whatever she had to say about Yukino was something she had decided would bring her a considerable amount of entertainment. Was she even really in a band or was that just something to make me think she was being more open? I'd let her play with me… No, that wasn't right; I hadn't let her play with me. That would imply I had a choice in the matter. She wielded her femininity and her communication skills like a weapon and I never really stood a chance.

If I couldn't compete in the game, then why bother even playing?

"I'll go get your check." I got up from my seat beside Haruno. She made no effort to stop me this time, only winking at me and saying, "Hurry back."

Walking to the register, I saw that the bar was cleared of the regulars and Daichi and the manager were cleaning up.

A massive grin spread across Daichi's face as he saw me. "Not your girlfriend, right, Hachiman?" he sarcastically asked.

"She'll be gone soon and I'll help you." I ignored the question.

"Don't let her get away, Hachiman." Daichi put one of his big hands on my shoulder.

"The manager won't be happy about me slacking on the job," I replied.

If I could count on one thing, it was that the manager was not one to allow me to slack off on the job. The tiny man that so often chewed me out for standing around for a minute would never allow me to sit around while he and Daichi cleaned up.

"I think we can manage, Hikigaya-kun. You take your time with your lady friend," the manager replied in an uncharacteristically a soft voice.

This had to be some kind of a joke. Had the manager been bribed? Haruno came from a wealthy family. Maybe she really had orchestrated it so that I really was on some kind of a dokkiri show and the manager was in on it.

"I have a soft spot in my heart for young love, Hikigaya-kun. Try not to screw this up," he added.

With the check drawn up, I made my way back to Haruno who was patiently waiting.

"Your co-workers seem to like me." She grinned smugly as I set the check down in front of her.

"They don't know you."

"That hurt." She feigned sadness.

Trying to ignore her, I leaned forward and began to clean the table when I felt a cool rush of air blow into my ear. The sudden chill caused me to fumble with the bowl, nearly dropping it in the process. Turning to my left, Haruno's face was a few centimeters away with her lips still pursed from blowing.

"I was just checking to make sure your ears were still as sensitive as when we met," she replied, as though blowing on someone's ear was just some innocuous activity that everyone did and my reaction was entirely unwarranted.

Pulling her wallet out of her purse, Haruno placed several large bills on the check and got up.

With the dishes in one hand and the money in the other, I made my way back to the front, Haruno in tow. Daichi took the bowl and left me with Haruno and the register. After giving her back her change, she asked if I would stand with her until a taxi arrived. There would be no point in saying no as Daichi and the manager were most certainly observing us.

As with the evening before, Haruno clung to my arm, her breasts trying their best to beat me into submission. We stood by the sidewalk silently waiting for a taxi. Although it had cooled slightly since the afternoon, it was still far hotter than the prior evening and Haruno's clinging to me wasn't helping the situation. As we waited for a taxi, Haruno's hand slid down from around my forearm to my hand. Her silky smooth fingers wormed their way in between my own and forced our palms together. It might have felt nice, if not for the sweat that made our palms stick together uncomfortably.

"Why are you here?" I finally broke the silence.

"To become a ramen gourmet. I already told you that."

"But why are you back in Chiba?" I sighed. I didn't expect a real answer. I didn't really want one either, but I had to ask.

"Family," she replied, almost mournfully.

Though her answer was just one word, or maybe because it was one word, it felt like it carried more weight than anything Haruno had said the entire evening. I didn't follow up with another question and Haruno didn't say anything else. We simply stood on the sidewalk in the warm March air and waited, her head resting against my shoulder and her hand clinging to my own. It wasn't much longer before a taxi arrived and Haruno's delicate hand withdrew from mine.

"Goodbye, Yukinoshita-san," I said as she entered the car.

She turned slightly to face me "Call me Haruno, Hikigaya-kun," she replied, closing door behind her.

As the car began to pull away, I murmured, "Goodbye…Yukinoshita-san."

I stood there for a moment and watched her fade away from my sight for the second night in a row. The absence of her clinging frame should have alleviated the uncomfortable feeling I had from overheating, but instead it replaced it with more something difficult to put into words but every bit as uncomfortable. Can one grow so used to an injury that upon becoming healthy one longs for the return of that which once plagued them?

Daichi and the manager had done a great deal while I had entertained Haruno so my evening duties went by fairly quickly. While I worked, I half expected another late night text from Haruno, but when I'd finished up and pulled my phone from my locker, there were no new messages. The bike ride back to my apartment was hot and exhausting, and as a result I began to fantasize about turning my AC down to point that my room would be a veritable refrigerator. Images of snowball fights with my sister danced in my head as I imagined being immersed in the cold air. Wrapped up in my imagination I failed to notice the papers taped to the front doors of my various neighbors, until I came to my own apartment and was faced with a notice.

"Air Conditioning out. Should be repaired by late afternoon, tomorrow. Sorry for the inconvenience."

…

[1]: Sadako Yamamura is the antagonist in _The Ring_.

[2]: a hidden-camera surprise prank show.

[3]: Sometimes referred to as Shimokita, Shimokitazawa is a commercial and entertainment district in Setagaya, Tokyo. It is noted for its hipster scene and is a hotspot for indie and alternative rock music.


	4. Hikigaya Hachiman's Literary Preferences

Chapter 4

With the lunch rush having already ended and the dinner rush still about an hour and a half away, the restaurant was fairly calm. A few older regulars were at the bar chatting with Daichi. They were the kind of people who had reached the point in their lives where 3:45 was a perfectly acceptable time of the day to have dinner. They were a wholly different kind of people from the late night regulars I served in my normal evening shifts; they didn't romanticize their youth or lament poorly-made decisions that they had made decades ago. Instead, they romanticized their grandchildren to the point that even the most average of achievements was tantamount to scaling Mt. Everest. Maybe it was because the way that they talked about their grandkids vaguely reminded me of how I spoke of Komachi, but I felt like I could identify with these elderly patrons more than I could with the evening regulars that I normally dealt with, or maybe I wanted to identify with them more.

As I started to think about the late night patrons that I wouldn't be seeing this evening, one patron began to push her way past the others to the forefront of my thoughts. I hadn't lied to Haruno when I told her that I'd be working tonight. There was no way that I could've known that I would voluntarily swap shifts to go to work _earlier_ than normal. Without air conditioning my room had turned into a furnace the evening prior, and there was no way I could stay in there until my regular shift at 4:00. So instead of languishing in the heat, I swapped with Daichi's son who normally worked the 11:00am to 4:00 pm Thursday shift.

Given that I didn't work Fridays and Saturdays, I wouldn't be seeing her again until Sunday.

Would she be annoyed? Or would the boredom caused by my absence see her leave me alone entirely?

She had said that she was living in Shimokitazawa now, right? She'd probably go back home, assuming anything she'd said the previous evening has even an inkling of truth behind it. Would she stick around and tease my replacement or just go back to her hotel? I don't know why my mind kept slipping back to the conversation with Haruno from the previous evening, but while I didn't feel bad about not being able to see her,I feel like I should have.

As I contemplated the reasoning behind my feelings about not seeing Haruno, a voice called out to me.

"You shouldn't be spacing out at work, Hikigaya."

Standing in the doorway, Hiratsuka-sensei smugly chastised my work ethic.

"Good evening, Hiratsuka- _san_."

Hiratsuka closed the distance between us in a few strides and swung her fist towards my gut. Instinctively, I recoiled from the impending impact only to realize that the blow never made contact.

"In a week and a half it goes back to sensei, Hikigaya. Then six months later, it ceases being Hiratsuka all together." She brought the hand she had feigned punching me with up to eye level and revealed a ring with a modest sized diamond as its centerpiece.

A grin spread across my face and I began to chuckle, only to feel the sudden impact of Hiratsuka's other hand against my gut.

"What's so funny about a young woman getting married?"

Even through the pain, I thought that _young_ might be stretching it.

Clutching my side and gasping for breath, I managed to choke out. "Nothing… nothing at all."

"Aren't you supposed to be asking me how many are in my party?"

"But you're the only one h..." I was cut off by another blow to my gut.

"I just told you I was getting married. How do you know my fiancé isn't meeting me here?"

Struggling to recoup from a second body blow, I managed to stammer out, "How many will be joining you this evening?"

"No one, I'm not here to eat. I just needed to ask Daichi if he and Kimiko will be available for the engagement party."

In that moment there was a whole host of things that I could have said to express my feelings, but I kept them contained and simply directed Hiratsuka towards Daichi. Hiratsuka greeted the large cook warmly and paraded her ring before him. Daichi was enthusiastic about learning his brother-in-law had finally proposed to Hiratsuka, though a bit dismayed that he hadn't been consulted on the matter first given that he had introduced the two. Seeing Daichi congratulate Hiratsuka and seeing her smile slightly made up for the pain in my side from the two gut punches. It was a strange kind of solace, but knowing that Hiratsuka had found someone made me feel…better.

As Hiratsuka was on her way out she turned around for moment.

"I left your invitation with Daichi. I expect to see you at the engagement party, Hikigaya." She took a couple more steps toward the door before turning around again and saying, "And try to bring a date."

I laughed a bit at that. Years of saying she needed to find a find a husband and now I was the one being pressured to find a date.

Not long after that, Daichi's son came to relieve me of my post.

As I pulled my change of clothes out of the locker, the door opened and Daichi popped his head in.

"Hey, Hachiman you're not seeing another girl behind the back of that onee-san who has been visiting you the past couple days, right? Cheating on a girl isn't right. "

"You can't cheat on someone you aren't in a relationship with… but to answer your first question, no, I'm not seeing another girl. I'm not seeing anyone."

"Care to explain who the girl waiting for you out front is then?"

That would have to be Meguri-senpai. We had decided to go to a bookstore and look for something that would act as the first book the Literature Club would be reading after I got off from work. We'd have to do it eventually, and since my apartment was likely to still be a furnace now seemed as good enough time as any.

"She's just a senpai from the Literature Club who needs a little help before school starts."

Daichi questioningly gazed at me for a few moments before chuckling a little and saying, "Ok."

After changing, I found Meguri waiting for me near the entrance of the restaurant, chatting with the manager. She looked… warm. Not in the sense that she looked as though she was feeling the full effects of the unseasonably hot weather. No, it was more that she looked the way crawling into a Kotatsu[1] on a cold winter day felt. She wore a peach blouse and a pleated mint skirt that cut off just below her knees. Even her hair pins matched the peach and mint motif.

"Hachi-kun," she smiled and waved.

"Yo," I replied with a subdued wave back.

The manager turned to me, "Hachiman, you didn't tell me that the club you were reserving the restaurant for was the Literature Club."

I raised an eyebrow, "I didn't think it mattered."

"Well of course it matters. If you're in the club then you won't be able to help that evening."

I don't have work that evening; I wouldn't be working anyways.

"That evening is my day off, sir."

"Well yes, but you can't exactly expect Daichi's son to table for a party of such a large size all

by himself on a school night, can you?"

We don't even you how many people will be showing up.

"I'm going back to school as well, sir. On top of that I've got my classroom observation starting this semester. You know all this."

The manager huffed a little, "I suppose I did, but things have been running smoothly as of late that I didn't want to think about the situation changing. I'll have to start looking for others to pick up your shifts."

Why were we having this conversation? Everything that had been said by both parties was well known. I was sure that I'd even seen the manager drawing up a help wanted advertisement. Plus, it's not like it wouldn't be difficult to find college students looking for some supplementary income given the influx of jobless youths that would soon be making their way to the city, if they weren't already here.

"Hachi-kun, we should get going." Meguri interjected.

The manager bid us farewell and we set out for the book store. As we made our way to the subway, Meguri and I debated which store to visit this afternoon. Being a used book store, _Book-Off Higashichibayuko_ was more than likely to be our cheapest option given the number of books we were probably going to be buying so it had my full backing. Meguri had wanted to go to the _AEON Bookstore_ because she felt that there would be a wider variety of new books than at the used book store.

"A new book, by an up-and-coming author is just what we need in order to capture people's attention." Meguri paused for a moment and after glancing at me tacked on, "No light novels though, Hachi-kun."

Was that a personal attack or a general condemnation of dime store literature? The vast majority of light novels were terribly generic copy-and-paste scripts waiting to be turned into a TV show, but they are the loving extension of the penny dreadful. They had a grand history that counted such auspicious titles such as _Legend of Galactic Heroes_ and the various works of Nisio Isin in their ranks. Sure they had fallen on tough times, with most new works growing ever more derivative on those that preceded them, increasingly becoming a parody of parody, but to just throw out the medium like it was nothing was a bit harsh.

"If a book is particularly popular, I'm sure that there will be plenty of used copies of it. We'll be just as likely to find what's popular at the used bookstore. Plus I've got credit at _Book-Off_ from some of the old light novels that I've gotten rid of."

At least I thought I still had credit. It had been quite a while since I'd actually been to the store.

Meguri begrudgingly accepted and we took the subway to Chūō[2].

The streets of Chūō were packed with students and their parents scrambling about in preparation for the beginning of the new school year. One could imagine the bustle of the streets leading to Meguri-senpai being pushed into me, causing an awkward but ultimately romantic scene. It would be something akin to a scene in a bad TV drama or anime; she would blush and turn her head away and I would awkwardly stare at her like an idiot. Nothing like that happened though. We navigated through the throng of people just fine and eventually came to store front.

Despite not having been to the store in nearly a year and a half, its interior was all too familiar to me. High schoolers and more than a few overweight otaku crowded the aisles where volumes upon volumes of manga and light novels were found, oblivious to those around them.

"Hachi-kun," she stepped towards me, causing me to step back in reaction,"are you sure this is the best place?"

The smile she wore on her face after asking the question wasn't the carefree expression that I had grown used to seeing on her. Instead it was questioning, looked as though it were saying, "I'm silently judging you, Hachi-kun." Or, "This is why I only see you as a little brother."

"…Y..Yeah."

She sighed a little and then her warm "not a care in the world" smile reappeared.

"Alrighty then, Hachi-kun, let's split up. We'll meet up here after we find three or four books each. Is that okay?"

"Sounds fine to me." I shrugged.

I trolled through the aisles of used top sellers. Most weren't particularly eye catching until I came upon a misplaced Light Novel entitled _My Ill-Conceived Teenage Romance vol 3_. It wasn't the generic overly descriptive title that caught my eye, nor was it the shoujo manga-esque cover featuring a snake eyed girl between a somewhat yankee looking boy with a smile and a sullen looking bishounen. Instead it was the author's all too familiar names that caught my eye.

"Yoshiteru Zaimokuza." I silently mouthed.

There was no way it was him. He'd abandoned his desire to become a Light Novel author back in our second high school and had moved on to half a dozen other pursuits before graduation. I think he had gone with the science pathway anyways. That the author would have the same name had to be a coincidence.

Pulling my phone out, I turned to the internet to verify my dismissal of the possibility that the two Zaimokuza's were the same individual. Glancing through the author's wiki page, I saw that there was no other possibility than that they were one in the same. While the page lacked a picture of him, the author shared the same birthday and blood type as Zaimokuza.

I chuckled to myself thinking that Zaimokuza had not only actually managed to get something published, but had published something that appeared to be fairly popular. Looking to the plot summery of the series I expected to see some overly derivative chunni catering trash that only found an audience because the artist was a former well known hentai artist. Once again, I found that my assumptions were wrong.

The series followed a quick witted, nihilistic, snake-eyed, and ultimately lonely high school girl who had been forced into the student council by her homeroom teacher. There the girl became involved in a pseudo-love triangle with the genki vice president and kuudere president. Apparently these series was getting rave reviews with the only real complaint being that some felt it was playing out like a gender swapped _White Album 2_.

Meguri would never allow the book into the Literature Club, but that didn't mean I couldn't read it myself. Setting the third volume back down, I hunted for the first volume for a moment before finding it.

After grabbing the book, I went back to looking for books for the Literature Club. The search wasn't long and while my picks were popular they weren't exactly from "up and coming" authors Meguri had wanted.

Meguri was already waiting for me with a stack of four books in her hands. She'd apparently found a book on knitting that had caught her eye. Of the three books that I had picked out only _Norwegian Wood_ had made the cut, with Meguri ruling out _Audition_ because it was a horror novel and _Snow Country_ because it was too melancholic to start the year off with [3]. After setting aside the books Meguri had dismissed, I grabbed copies of the two books that she had chosen.

The subway ride back to Midori[4] was quiet, with both Meguri and I reading. We'd probably be doing a lot of reading in the days to come so as to decide which of the three books would be the first book the Literature Club would devour. We wouldn't read through the books in their entirety; I doubt there was enough time for that, but we'd read the first three or four chapters each.

I kept Zaimokuza's book tucked away, I'd get to it after we'd decided on a book for the club. Instead I began to read _Norwegian Wood_. As I read the first page, my mind drifted to the wet German winter of 1986 and then to the October breeze of autumn 1969.

Why were winter and autumn synonymous with melancholy? It seemed that they were unfairly made the backdrop of every unhappy story.

As I pondered this, I felt a nudge against my side.

Turning to my side, I saw a smiling Meguri-senpai, "Hachi-kun, would you like to go somewhere for dinner?"

My chest tightened, my eyes started to dart around the crowded subway car, and I barely managed to choke out, "…umm."

I was being stupid, Meguri had brought up that my sister wanted her to keep an eye on my eating habits the day before. Yet, here I was choking on my words.

"Sure." My eyes still directed towards the ground.

It was difficult to go back to reading and before I knew it, the subway car had stopped.

"Want to go to your work for dinner, Hachi-kun?"

It wasn't even 7 pm yet. We could get dinner and be gone before Haruno showed up…

Assuming she showed up 45 to 30 minutes before closing. What if she showed up early though? My decision to not tell Meguri about her would backfire even earlier than I thought it might and I'd have to deal with the fallout then and there. Taking big risks is dangerous. It's the kind of thing that unreasonable people who think everything will work out in the end do.

I'm not one of those people.

"Actually, there's a kaiten sushi [4] place not far from here that I'd like to go to and it's like ¥900 a person." I motioned in the other opposite direction of work.

"I kind of wanted to see more of where Hachi-kun worked."

"You'll see more of it in a week. Plus, I ate lunch there already, so I want a little variety."

She let out a heavy sigh. "Oh, alright."

The streets of Midori were packed with people returning to the bedroom community after having worked in one of the city's other wards. It was more claustrophobic than our adventure in Chūō, because at least then most of the wage slaves were still working. The uncomfortably cramped 2 km walk to the restaurant left me exhausted and panting as we entered the restaurant.

Our restaurant was always packed around this time, so it was no surprise to see the situation was the same at the sushi place.

What if I paid for Meguri?

I didn't voice the question out loud; I didn't even know why the thought had popped into my head. I must have glanced at Meguri awkwardly because she asked, "Is everything alright?"

What she probably really meant was, "Why are you staring at me with your gross eyes?" It had been a long time since she had said something like that to me… I think it was back in junior year when I was complaining about my work load during the cultural festival, but I'm sure that she had felt the same way any number of times since we had met again at university.

"Hachi-kun, is everything alright?"

"…Yeah…everything is fine."

"You know, if something is bothering you, all you have to do is talk to me about it." She smiled.

"It's really alright. I'm fine."

"Okay, Hachi-kun."

Looking to distract myself and kill time, I shuffled through my bag and I pulled out _Norwegian Wood_.

As I flipped open to the page I had last read, I felt something warm and comforting press against my scalp and begin to move through my hair. Meguri-senpai was patting my head.

"I know you're stressed about school and work, but everything is going to be alright, Hachi-kun," she cooed.

It was very brief, but when she eventually pulled her hand away I turned to her and saw her smiling warmly back at me.

"It looked like you needed that."

I think maybe I did need it, but I couldn't find a way to make that known. I didn't imagine myself to be special or unique. Meguri looked at me the way she looked at everyone else and that's why I couldn't find the right words. I'd seen her comfort others in a similar manner any number of times, because at her heart, Meguri was a big sister simply looking out for her youngers.

The four or five minutes that we waited passed by at a snail's pace before the server took us to two empty seats at the bar. This was the kind of thing that you were normally very sociable about but, for the most part, we ate in silence. In our silence, the sounds of the other patrons seemed to be exaggerated. Only Meguri's occasional exaggerated reaction to a particularly spicy roll brought my attention back to the immediate area.

When we were finished, I paid for the both of us and we departed together. Meguri didn't protest, she just smiled and thanked me. By the time we had finished our dinner, the streets were significantly less crowded and we were able to walk side by side. The street lamps and neon restaurant signs illuminated our path home. About three blocks from my house we parted ways, and with a wave and a smile Meguri left me alone.

As she walked away, it felt like something was urging me to call out to her and offer to walk her home.

I didn't.

Instead, I stood beneath the pale yellow light of a lamppost and watched her turn onto another street and disappear.

...

[1]: A low, wooden table frame covered by a futon, or heavy blanket, upon which a table top sits. They often have a built in heater.

[2]: Chūō is one of Chiba's six wards; three of Chiba's tertiary education centers are located here.

[3]: You can find this out on your own, but _Norwegian Wood_ is a coming of age story about a Japanese college student and his relationships with two women (that's a really simplistic description of it, but I don't want to spoil it in case anyone wants to read it.) _Audition_ is about a man looking to get remarried and finds that the woman that he chose isn't exactly who she seemed to be. _Snow Country_ follows a Tokyo man, his escape to a rural mountain hot springs, and his doomed affair with a geisha.

[4]: The ward I have Hachiman living in.

[5]: Conveyor belt sushi


	5. Waking up from a Dream

There's a certain kind of smell that you develop when you haven't left your bed for two fairly hot days. It's inescapable. It sticks to your skin with the accumulated oils that have seeped out of your pores and gives your bed sheets a distinct odor and feel. An odor they wouldn't have gotten even after two weeks of normal use.

After returning home Thursday evening, I'd laid in bed and read. The first three to four chapters of the books for the Literature Club didn't keep me busy for long so I'd started reading Zaimokusa's book. Which, to my great surprise, wasn't terrible. I'd finished reading it at around 11 am, so I bought a digital copy of the second book on Amazon. The main character was fairly unlikable at times, but she had her redeeming qualities. Though there hadn't been much if any romance in the first volume, the love triangle had clearly been established between the heroine and the male leads Yoshiie Yoshikawa and Tokuji Fujiwara.

I should clarify that I was not in bed the entire time. I had managed to make my way to the kitchen several times to make instant ramen and microwavable breakfasts. The various new stains on my comforter were proof that I hadn't been starving myself.

Despite minimal physical activity and sincerely wishing that my metabolism would slow down, I found myself hungry once more. My last trip to the kitchen had been almost thirteen hours earlier, but I still remembered that I had managed to finish off the last remnants of what little actual food I had left in the kitchen. If I didn't mind eating little packets of pepper, salt, and maybe soy sauce I could stay in my apartment, but otherwise I would need to venture to the outside world in search of food.

"Whhhhy?" I managed to croak out.

Nearly every part of me wanted to remain firmly planted to my spot in bed, but the sounds of my stomach betrayed my lazy attitude and demanded that I leave my sedentary lifestyle behind in search of food. Curse my mamalian physiology, if only I could put down roots and take in nutrients from the earth. Of course I live on the second story of an apartment complex, so putting down roots for probably annoy the people below me and not get me much in the way of nutrients anyways, but that's besides the point.

"Gaaaaaaah!" I yawned as I stretched my arms towards the ceiling and forced myself up and out of bed.

As I fumbled my way out of bed, I contemplated showering. It was nearly 11 pm and I was only going to the convenience store. It wasn't like I was going out to eat.

Did I have to bend to societal standards and social norms? Sure the cashier might think I'm some smelly NEET, but why should I care what some minimum wage earning night employee, that I would likely never meet again, had to think of me?

"No shower," I grunted.

After dressing myself, because even at 11 pm it's not the best idea to stroll the streets in a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt, I left my hermit kingdom for the first time since Thursday. The air was just as hot and sticky as I remembered it having been when I'd parted ways with Meguri.

It was disgusting.

I made my way to the mini-mart and I thought about a dream that I'd had the evening before. It had been a little surreal, but also very disconcerting because it had simultaneously been too realistic. I'd fallen into a coma, but even though I couldn't move or see anything I could hear everyone around me. I heard my sister, my mom, my dad, Meguri, Sensei, and Haruno. She didn't talk a lot. Mostly she just teased me while I laid there, unable to tell her off. It took me 2 years to wake up from my coma, but when I finally opened my eyes the world was too fuzzy to make out. There were two feminine figures looking down at me, though who they were was beyond my ability to tell. Where before their words had been clear, now it sounded like they spoke with marbles in their mouths. Or maybe it was just that my ears had been stuffed with cotton. Either way, I couldn't see or hear properly, but I could feel them. One of the figures began to pat my head while the other simply held my hand in her own.

I wasn't sure if the figures were my mom and sister, Haruno and Meguri, or someone else entirely. Or at least I hadn't been sure until the muffling came to an end and the person patting my head leaned in very closely and whispered, "Hikki."

Then I'd woken up.

I didn't need that. I didn't need to be thinking about her or about how I'd screwed up.

I mean, was I a screw up? Yes, but being reminded about how I screwed up wasn't something I needed to be doing to myself. Yet there I was, thinking about her and thinking about my mistakes.

While I strolled down the street, disheveled, unclean, and wearing a tracksuit that probably needed to be thrown away, I couldn't help but think about her. That stupid dream had made it impossible not to.

What was she up to? She was beautiful, so it wouldn't have been a surprise if she'd gotten engaged at some point since high school.

Maybe she had a kid, though that was kind of unlikely. Time had certainly passed since we'd last seen each other, but not having a kid levels of time. A mental image of what she might look like floated around in my head. In it she showed off her gaudy western style wedding ring and giggled nearly uncontrollably. Her right arm was linked with a man's. He was tall and gangly looking, with a hidden face, and she loved him. I could tell, because I was the man in that mental image and of course she would love me. She would forgive me for being a moron, she'd never even think about the fact that she was a second choice. She'd accept it. It would hurt, but she would move on. Because that was the kind of person she was, because she was too nice to let something like being someone's fallback taint the way she felt.

I punched a nearby lamp post and immediately regretted it. Now, not only was she still on my mind, but my hand hurt.

"Damnit," I mumbled under my breath.

My thoughts about the dream subsided as I finally arrived at the convenience store and my appetite began to suggest I buy far more than I needed.

The clerk was a woman with long blonde hair. I couldn't really tell how old she was because she was turned away while she stocked the shelves behind the counter. She was a little full in figure, but she wasn't fat. She was too busy working to pay me any attention and so I ignored her and went on my way.

All the brightly colored packages of the snacks and junk food called out to me and in my ravenous state I grabbed for way more than I needed and tossed them into my basket.

After I'd overstuffed my basket with an assortment of goodies I made my way back to the front, just in time for the cashier to turn around and freeze.

Oh no.

She recognized me and I recognized her.

"Hikigaya?" she asked. Slightly unsure of herself.

I could have lied. I could have said, "Sorry, you must be mistaken." but instead I simply nodded yes.

"Yumiko?" I asked mostly out of politeness.

"Yes."

We stared awkwardly at one another for a bit, not exactly sizing each other up, but certainly taking in the people that we had become. She was a bit tanner than I remembered her being, a little bit chubbier, and the blue and white striped uniform that she wore seemed very out of place on her.

As I took in the sight of her, I realized she must be taking in the sight of me. What could she possibly be thinking of disgusting Hikigaya wondering in late at night, in a tracksuit, and probably smelling funny. Was she going to open up the conversation with a stinging insult? Because my failing sense of self worth desperately needed another reminder of how much of a garbage person I was.

"How've you been?" she took my basket and began to run the items through the scanner.

I was caught a bit off guard by her reaction. There wasn't any of the malice that I'd expected.

"I… uh… I'm fine. Just going to school and working. What about you?"

She paused for a bit, and I worried that I'd done something that I shouldn't have. But if I'd done something bad, then hadn't she initiated that by asking me in the first place? It's normal to ask someone how they are after they've asked you the same question… right?

"I'm sorting thing out." she smiled a little. It was kind of pained, but also hopeful.

"That's good."

This was painful.

The extended pauses, the wondering what to say, and the wondering what she was thinking made me wish that I'd just stayed in my room and gone hungry.

"Have you seen anyone else since graduation?" she asked.

Please don't feel a need to keep up polite chit chat on my account.

"A few people here and there. Meguri-senpai and I are in a literature club together."

"Oh… um... that's nice. Anyone else?"

"No, not really."

She nodded for some reason and then said, "You know, if you ever get hungry during the day you should go to this really nice bakery a few blocks from here. They sell both Japanese and Western sweets and they're all homemade, plus I know some of the people that work there and I'm sure that they could make something you'd enjoy."

"Um, okay. Thanks, I guess."

I really wasn't sure where that had come from. It felt forced and even more awkward than the rest of the painful conversation we had been having.

After she totalled the price up, I shuffled through my wallet for my credit card. Something funny would pop into my head and I'd be able to kill the awkward silence that was punctuated by annoyed grunts as I fiddled with my credit card. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind and the mere moments that it took for me to pull out the card and for her to run it dragged on for an eternity. I lived and died a thousand lifetimes in the two and a half or so minutes it took to finish that silent exchange.

With my food all bagged up, I gave Yumiko a polite wave goodbye and left.

"I should have stayed inside." I muttered to myself once I was far enough away from the store.

It probably would've been easier if she'd been rude. At least if she'd been rude I could have blamed my ineptitude on her. Instead, she'd acted like a perfectly normal human being and I had been given the opportunity to display my full capabilities of being a spastic.

Walking back, I replayed the horror show. With each mental replay it got worse and worse and by the time I had reached the apartment complex I had my face buried deeply in my hands.

Everything that had been weighing on me, from thinking about the book club, and my dream, to my stupidity at the store all vanished as I looked up from my hands and saw someone waiting in front of my door with two large luggage bags at her side.

No.

"It's rude to leave a lady waiting, Hikigaya-kun."


End file.
